A Thousand Words
by Valkyriexx
Summary: Merlin was gone, chased away by a kingdom's prejudice. But a letter from the Warlock could change everything Arthur's ever believed in, and, maybe, bring about the golden age Merlin has always dreamed of. One-shot for now! Will expand if people ask nicely. No slash!


**So I wrote part of this in March just after getting my mid-year results, and decided to finish it off after finishing I'll Be. It is a MONSTER of a one-shot, the longest I've ever written! I know people are probably going to ask for a second chapter in the reviews, which I will write at some point, but, for the moment, this is a stand-alone story. Another obscure title that I hope people will get...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin? Who said that? **

**Enjoy!**

XxX

The night was silent.

Arthur Pendragon stood by his window, staring out at the black sky; looking, without really seeing.

Behind him, the fire flickered as it slowly died, the candles sinking lower in their stands. He paid them no attention; his mind was elsewhere.

He didn't even react when the door to his chambers quietly opened, and his wife slipped into the room.

Gwen stopped just inside the door, watching her husband with worried eyes. He'd barely spoken in two days, instead choosing to close himself off from the situation, and pretend that it had never happened.

But it had.

With a sigh, Gwen moved forward, placing her hand on her husbands' shoulder. He flinched at her touch, but it was a reaction, and she would take it. It was the most she'd received since the whole mess had started. "We need to talk about this."

He turned his head, and she caught sight of his eyes; his deep, hurt filled eyes. The pain in them was so strong, that she could think only of one other time, one other person, who had ever shown such pain. "There is nothing to talk about."

"You know that isn't true," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I know how much he hurt you..."

"No! Arthur took her by surprise, whirling round and pushing her away. "You have no idea! He _lied _to me, Gwen! He couldn't trust me the way I trusted him! I told him _everything_, but he couldn't be bothered to reciprocate. How can I forgive him for that?"

The Queen let a small smile grace her lips. "So this isn't about the magic?' He froze, his eyes dropping. "Because you'd almost forgotten that that was the issue in the first place, hadn't you?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"So was it the lying, or the magic, that made you banish him?"

Arthur's head shot up. "Banish? I never banished him, Guinevere!"

Gwen's eyes widened. "Arthur... Merlin left, not long after your argument."

Panic flared in the King's face, and he bolted for the door.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"Ealdor! He'll have gone straight to his mother. I'll take Gwaine and Percival, and go after him."

"And what are you going to do when you find him?" she snapped. 'He left because he thought that you were going to kill him, Arthur. Or have you forgotten that Merlin is a sorcerer?"

Arthur froze, his hand hovering just over the handle.

Because that was the crux of it really.

Merlin was a sorcerer.

Despite two days of mulling over this thought over, he couldn't make the connection between his best friend and magic. Despite seeing those bright blue eyes flare gold, and seeing those calloused, work hardened hands catch the pulsing ball of energy that was aimed at his Queen... Despite hearing his best friend's pleas to be heard, understood, _accepted_...

But Arthur hadn't accepted him; he hadn't been able to bring himself to do it.

That was the last time he had seen Merlin, over two days ago. The King had been disappointed when the servant hadn't shown up for work the next morning, but not surprised. He hadn't exactly given him the impression that he'd be welcome...

_XxX_

"_Get out." _

"_Arthur, please..."_

"_I said leave!" _

_He barely took any notice of the tears cascading down the sorcerers' face; there was no way his pain was anything compared to Arthurs'. His chest wasn't so constricted, it felt like he couldn't breathe. His heart wasn't aching with the throb of yet another betrayal. His limbs weren't trembling with disbelief as he looked at the man he had trusted with his life; a man who had never been his friend. _

"_Get out of my sight! Now, before I do something we'll both regret!" _

_Merlin shook his head, taking a step towards the King. "Please, Arthur. Give me a chance to prove to you..." _

"_Give you a chance?" Arthur bellowed. "Like you gave me a chance? You used me! I trusted you, and you betrayed me!" _

"_Please..." Merlin's voice was barely above a whisper now, not that it made any difference. _

"_Leave. Just... just go. Go away." _

_The younger man hesitated a moment longer, before taking a shuddering breath. Bowing deeply, he turned and left, his shoulders slumped and his head lowered in defeat. _

_And, for some reason, Arthur couldn't shake the feeling that something had broken inside of him... But he'd been the one to break it. _

_XxX_

Shaking the memory from his mind, the young King forced himself to focus on the problem at hand. His wife was still glaring at him.

"What will you do when you find him, Arthur? Honestly? Because I don't think that even you know anymore. If you did, you'd have gone down to Gaius' chambers, still thinking he was there, to talk to him."

He bit his lip, running a hand through his already unruly hair. "This... I'm not sure what I'd do. But I know that I could never hurt him. These last ten years may have been a lie to him, but for me, they were real. I can't ignore that fact; it's the same dilemma I'll face when we catch Morgana."

Gwen stared at him. "You really think that Merlin is, in any way, similar to Morgana? He risked his life to save mine! That's something that she'd never do; she'd quite happily help, given the chance. And no-one, not even an evil sorcerer, would keep up the charade of friendship for ten years, just to blow it in a single moment." She moved away from him, heading towards the door. "I'll inform Percival and Gwaine that they are to depart for Ealdor tomorrow morning. Alone," she stressed. "If Merlin's there, he can send you a message and you can decide what to do. But I am not letting you ruin such a great friendship because of petty stereotypes, Arthur Pendragon."

And with that she left, leaving Arthur alone with his thoughts.

XxX

As it turned out, Merlin wasn't in Ealdor.

Gwaine and Percival returned four days later with a scrap of parchment and very little news of the Warlock besides the fact that he was alive and in relatively good health.

The King had resumed his normal duties not long after the Knights had left, desperately trying to return, despite the fact that Camelot was anything but.

Gwen had caught him just as he was leaving a council meeting, the look on her face telling him it wasn't good news.

The royals hurried to Gaius' chambers, where Gwaine was waiting for them.

"He wasn't there."

"Then where is he?" Arthur breathed, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

"Hunith doesn't know," Gwaine shrugged, holding out the piece of parchment. "He sent her this, but she wanted you to read it."

Cautiously, the King took the letter, unfolding it.

_Dearest Mother,  
The main purpose of this letter is to let you know that I'm alive and well. I was forced to leave Camelot last night, and was taken in by some old friends of mine, outside the border. They will allow me to stay with them for as long as necessary, until I can re-think my life. But I won't be returning to Ealdor for some time.  
It is also to let you know that I'm sorry.  
I'm sorry, but I've failed you; you and all the others that hoped that I could make a difference.  
Last night, Arthur found out my secret. I'm sorry. I know you always told me to keep it hidden, but I couldn't let Gwen die.  
But Arthur couldn't accept me for what I am, and I fear what he will do to you in an effort to find me. So when the Knights come for me, you can show them this letter, as evidence that you don't know where I am.  
I'm so sorry that I've let you down, and I hope that one day I can be a son you can be proud of.  
Once it's safe, I'll come visit you once again. Until then, can you please give the enclosed letter to Arthur?  
Stay safe, and I'll hopefully see you soon.  
Love Merlin. _

Arthur gulped, forcing himself to read the letter again. _I fear_... That hadn't occurred to him, the idea of Merlin being afraid of him...

"Where's..?" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence, but Gwaine knew what he meant. The Knight produced another piece of parchment from underneath his cloak. It was sealed.

"For your eyes only, as promised to the Lady Hunith."

He snatched the parchment away and stormed from the room, fully intending on locking himself in his room, so that he could read the letter in private.

Servants and nobles alike moved out of his way as he traipsed back to his room, the parchment clutched tightly in his hand. He passed Percival, who looked like he wanted to say something, but wisely closed his mouth at the glare he received from his King.

Finally, his chambers loomed ahead of him, and he slammed the door behind him before seating himself at his long table, the parchment in front of him.

And, suddenly, he didn't want to open it.

He didn't want to read what Merlin thought of him; what had made the Warlock flee the city _before_ the King had had a chance to talk to him.

But he had too. If he was ever going to figure out what to do, he had to open the letter. He _had_ to know...

Taking a deep breath, Arthur grabbed the parchment and broke the seal, letting it fall open in his hands.

_Dear Arthur,  
I don't even know if you're going to read this. I hope you do, but I wouldn't be surprised if you just threw it in the fire when my mother gives it to you. I honestly wouldn't blame you.  
Fleeing the city probably wasn't one of my smartest moves, but I couldn't think of anything else to do. Seeing you there... I guess I _am _the coward you always said I am. I just couldn't bear to watch our friendship fall apart. It always meant so much to me, and now an illusion is all I have left of it. And now I've left, I know, in good conscience, I can never come back.  
You're probably better off without me, anyway.  
But, mainly, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry.  
I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry that you had to find out the way you did. It was never my intention to hurt you, but I knew that, should you ever find out the truth about me, it was inevitable. I guess you could say that it was my final attempt to protect you.  
And I'm sorry that I couldn't be the friend that you deserved.  
Just know that you will always be my best friend. You completely changed my life for the better, and I hope that you feel the same way.  
Stay safe, and maybe, one day, you'll be able to find it in your heart to forgive me. Nobody knows where I am, so please don't try to look for me. You won't find me.  
Forever your faithful servant,  
Merlin_

XxX

"Arthur? Arthur, you have to let me in..."

Arthur ignored his wife's calls through the door. He just sat staring at the letter, his mind still trying to process what he had read.

_You will always be my best friend..._ It had been real for Merlin too. Their friendship had been real...

_I couldn't be the friend you deserved... _In truth, it had been Arthur who hadn't deserved Merlin. It had taken him far too long to see that, and, even now, he was only just realising how much his friend had done for him.

_Don't try to look for me..._ But how could he not? Now that he knew that it, truly, hadn't been act. He needed to apologise, to attempt to salvage their friendship.

_Nobody knows where I am..._ That was when the parchment fell from his hands, fluttering gently to the floor.

And Arthur Pendragon bowed his head, the grief only someone who'd lost something precious could feel crashing down around, as he let out a shaky breath, trying to slow his frantically beating heart. Tears began to cascade down his face, dripping onto the wooden table, but he took no notice. He simply rested his head on the table, unable to find the strength to hold his head up anymore.

And cried.

XxX

It had been early the next morning that Arthur had called a council together in order to discuss the possibility of returning magic to the Kingdom.

His suggestion had been met with cries of anger and fear, as the nobles protested again the _evil _art; drowning each other in an attempt to make their voices heard.

But the King had been patient. He'd waited for the racket to die down before he'd spoken again in a cool, calm voice that the Lords recognised, and chose, wisely, not to argue with. He explained that it hadn't been a request, but he felt it would be best to ask their permission; that magic was returning no matter what they said.

He had explained who his servant truly was, and how Camelot would no longer exist without the aid of a man who always kept to the shadows out of fear for his life. He explained about the heartbroken friend who had fled his home, believing himself to no longer be welcome there. How he'd been forced to take refuge with friends unknown, in a place not even his mother knew about, just to feel safe.

As he'd told the story of the Warlock, Gaius had spoken up, offering up small sections of Merlin's life that Arthur didn't know about. He spoke of a lover, murdered before his eyes; of a father, lying still in his arms... Of a brother, burning on a pyre after giving his life to save his King.

The Lords had listened quietly, their faces betraying their shock and bewilderment at the tale being spun before them.

And when the Physician had finished, they quietly began to draw up the plans for repealing the ban.

XxX

Flopping down onto his bed, Arthur took a deep breath.

It had been three weeks of endless meetings, and discussions, and treaties. Whilst he hadn't thought that it would be easy, Arthur hadn't expected to encounter so many problems, especially with the majority of Lords on his side. But he hadn't considered the anti-magic clauses in all of his father's treaties, nor had he considered the kingdom-wide distrust of magic.

The first step, they had decided, was to approach the druids. Arthur had made a promise, not long ago, that he would no longer hunt the peaceful people, but now it was time to extend that promise. There was a druid clan on the boarder of his Kingdom, just inside Essetir that they could reach without too much hassle.

The plans were drawn up, and, tomorrow morning, Arthur would be riding out with his round table Knights to extend the hand of pace.

Sighing, he rubbed his hands against his face, and sat up, leaning his elbows on his knees. The bedroom door opened and his wife entered quietly, slowly making her way over to bed.

"You are certain that you are going with them?"

"It will mean nothing if I send a messenger, inviting them to Camelot. They may even think it's a trap. I have to go to them, if I am to have a chance of achieving his dream."

Gwen rubbed his arm gently. "He'll be so proud when he hears. Maybe... Maybe proud enough to come home."

But he was shaking his head, not looking at her. "He'll never come home, Guinevere. Not unless I find him, which he's pretty confident I'll be unable to do."

"The letter he sent?" Arthur nodded, drawing the crumpled parchment from inside his jacket. He'd kept it on him at all times, never letting the letter out of his sight. It was a reminder as to why he was doing this; for his best friend. His brother. "He told you that you wouldn't find him?"

"Yes," he replied, handing her the letter. She skim read it, her eyes filling with tears.

"He's never coming back?"

"He thinks we're better off without him," Arthur whispered, bowing his head once again. "What do I do, Guinevere? I thought he'd betrayed me, and I still feel that way, but, in the end..."

"In the end, he's still Merlin," she agreed. "He's still the same clumsy, annoying, loyal friend who has been by your side for eight years."

"And I betrayed that."

"You only did what you thought was right," Gwen wrapped her arms around her husband. "And this, what you're doing now... This proves that you understand that you were wrong, and that you're trying to make amends. Merlin will come round, Arthur. He'll hear about the repeal on the ban, wherever he is, and he'll come home."

"I hope you're right," he murmured, drawing her close. "I really do."

XxX

Gwaine found him as he was saddling his horse the next morning.

"Merlin would normally do that."

Arthur flinched, but didn't turn.

"Are you going to look for him when this is over?"

"I don't see how I can, seeing as no-one knows where he is."

"Did you ask Gaius?" Gwaine's voice wasn't accusing; it didn't sound like Knight was blaming him. Arthur frowned, turning to face the Knight. He was shocked to see the look of desperation on his weary face. It seemed that Arthur wasn't the only suffering through their friend's absence.

"Yes, Gwaine. Gaius gave me a list of several names, and I sent them all messages. If any of them have seen Merlin, they're keeping quiet about it."

He swallowed, glancing down at the floor. "You're not giving up though, right? Just like when he disappeared after that patrol. You didn't give up, and then you found him."

"Back then he wanted to be found," Arthur whispered. "I've got an idea, and, if it works, we'll know where Merlin is by the end of the week. I didn't want to tell anyone, because I didn't want to get their hopes up."

"And if doesn't work?"

"That's when I'll start searching for him, physically," Arthur shrugged. "But you're right. I didn't give up on him then, and he wouldn't give up if it was me; I don't care how long it takes, or how hard he tries to hide. I'll find him. I owe him that much."

Gwaine gave him a small smile. "You know, I still find it hard to believe; Merlin had magic, all this time... I reckon he started that fire in Jarl's hideout, so that we could all escape."

The King chuckled, remembering Merlin's outburst that their plan had been ridiculous, and, if not for the fire, they all would have died. "I wouldn't be surprised."

The Knight laughed, albeit a bit sadly, nodding his head.

"You should get ready, Gwaine," Arthur gestured to the assembling Knights. "We'll be heading out soon."

Gwaine nodded, clasping in the King's shoulder as he passed. Arthur let out a gentle sigh, before he swung up onto his horse.

He could only pray that he didn't let them down.

XxX

It only took them a few days to reach the druid encampment. By a stroke of luck, the small patrol encountered no bandits or soldiers, sent by Lot to prevent them from entering his Kingdom.

Sighing with relief, Arthur signalled for his men to dismount, leaving their horses tied safely by the entrance to the cave.

"No weapons," the King murmured. "They'll be frightened enough without us posing a larger threat."

"Yes, Sire," Leon quietly relayed the order, leaving Arthur alone with his thoughts.

Not for the first time, Arthur found himself wishing that Merlin still stood beside him. Magic was his territory; they'd even visited this exact settlement together, years ago, before everything had become so complicated. Merlin would know what to say to make people believe him, Arthur thought sadly.

But Merlin wasn't here.

And there was every chance he would never be here again.

Shaking these thoughts from his head, Arthur turned to his Knights. "Aright, we're..."

"Sire!"

He spun around to be greeted with a familiar face.

The druid he'd received the cup of life from was stood there, smiling gently at the group. "King Arthur. I've been expecting you for some time."

Taken aback, the King quickly regained his composure. "I have something I wish to discuss with you and your kin."

The older man smiled. "I am Iseldir, my Lord. And I welcome you to our home."

XxX

Iseldir led the way into the main part of the camp, ignoring the uncomfortable looks the druids were giving the group. Arthur wasn't so impervious, the anxiety of their visit playing hard on his mind, and he made sure to walk half a step behind the leader, and give the people reassuring smiles.

They shuffled awkwardly as the leader gestured for them to sit down around the fire, but Arthur knew that this was the first step. None of them had left yet, although some of them kept their hoods raised, hiding their faces. He knew it was to keep their identities, in case he was to turn against magic again.

Seating himself on Iseldir's right side, Arthur rested his elbows on his knees in an attempt to look calm.

"I understand that you have no reason to trust my word right now," he began, making eye contact with as many of the druids as possible. "But I need you to know that I'm serious. It is my aim to make peace with the Old Religion, and restore magic to Camelot. I have already pledged to leave the druid people alone, following the atrocities committed in my father's name. However, I now wish to take this pledge a step further."

He saw the shock on the faces of those he could see, and he smiled gently.

"It is my intention to repeal the ban on magic. To do this, I will need the magical community to understand that it may end up being a slow process. My father wanted to make sure that there were no loop holes in the law, but I will do everything in my power to make sure that you and your kin receive are welcomed in Camelot, and given the respect you deserve. I cannot make up for the crimes against the Old Religion, but I can stop them from happening again. All I can hope for is that, one day, you will find it in your hearts to forgive me."

There was silence following this, as Arthur sat, waiting for a response as his words sank in.

And then someone stood.

One druid rose to his feet, drawing back his hood. The man beneath was about the same age as Arthur, with fiery red hair. He held the King's gaze, before speaking.

"My parents were killed by Uther Pendragon, when I was barely a year old. They never hurt anyone. On this day, I honour their memory, as I pledge my loyalty to you, Arthur Pendragon, as you take the first step in building the world they dreamed of. Where magic can be free and good once again." The man stepped forward, before bowing low.

And then the rest of them rose, one by one, each pledging their allegiance to his cause. Arthur let out a breath of relief, and grinned at Gwaine, who smiled back.

They had taken the first leap. And they had made it.

XxX

He watched his men interacting with the druids, a gentle smile playing on this face.

Now that they knew the Knights meant no harm, they were willing to talk about their gifts. Chatter and laughter floated around the cave, accompanied by the occasional spark of magic but he wasn't really paying attention to what each individual was saying.

Instead, Arthur was scanning the crowd for Iseldir. If anyone was going to be able to help him, it was him.

Finally, Arthur spotted the leader, lurking at the back of the cave.

"King Arthur," the druid smiled. "Something trouble's you."

"Indeed." Arthur drew a scrap of material from inside his cloak, holding it out. "This belonged to a friend of mine. He's gone missing. Is there any way that you could use this to find him? Or at least tell me if he's alright?"

Iseldir took the cloth, turning it over in his hands. "It is possible," he murmured. "Who did this belong too?"

"Merlin, my manservant."

Much to his surprise, the other man chuckled. "Of course it does," he smiled. "Why do you want to find him? I assume he left when you discovered his true identity."

"You mean his magic?" Arthur frowned.

Iseldir shook his head. "It is so much more than that." He gave Arthur back the cloth, and gestured towards the fire pit. A hunched figure was sat with his back to them, ignoring the jubilant noises around him. "I think he'll be of more use to you than I. Good luck, Arthur Pendragon."

But he was no longer listening. The man with the hood had shifted, and the flames were taking shapes before him to create... a dragon.

Suddenly, the realisation struck him, and his heart started pounding as blood rushed through his ears.

Of course. It all made sense.

Friends that would take him in; someone no-one, not even Gaius, knew about. Some-one that would accept the magic, and protect him; where he could hide in plain sight and no-one would ever notice him.

His feet were carrying him forward, heading towards the cloaked man. The 'stranger' was aware of him approaching and shifted uncomfortably, betraying his anxiety and his desire to get away.

Silently, Arthur stepped up to the bench, but made no move to sit down. There was a moment of silence before Arthur held out the neckerchief. "I believe this is yours."

Merlin turned, studying the King for a moment, before taking it. "Thank you."

"I couldn't believe it when I realised you'd left it behind."

But the joke completely passed the Warlock by. He lowered his head, running his thumb over the rough material. Arthur stepped over the bench, sitting down. Looking at his friend, the King could just make out the black tattoo of a druid under his cuff.

"I told you not to look for me."

"When do I ever do as you tell me?"

"You shouldn't be here."

Arthur felt his heart break at the cold look on his friend's face. "I didn't know you were here, Merlin. It never occurred to me that you'd come here; I'm guessing that that wasn't your first time meeting Iseldir."

Merlin stared at him. "Why are you doing this? Acting as if nothing happened; as if nothing has changed! I'm a sorcerer, Arthur... a druid!" He drew back his sleeve, exposing his wrist. "As soon as I arrived here, they made me one of them. In a way, I always have been!"

"You left before we could have a proper talk."

"I assumed you were going to chop my head off. There was nothing left to talk about."

The King swallowed hard, staring at his hands. "Is that what you think of me? That I would betray eight years of loyalty and friendship as if it meant nothing?"

"When it comes to magic, Arthur, I never know what you're going to do," the Warlock muttered. "And... I never wanted you to make that decision. If I left, you wouldn't have to make a choice."

"That's what you were worried about? You left to stop _me _having to make a choice?"

Merlin shrugged, glancing around the cave. "And then I come back here to find a cave full of Knights! At first, I thought it was another raid, but they're all talking and laughing..." he trailed off, his voice sounding unsure.

"The first step to the legalisation of magic, of course," Arthur deliberately kept his tone calm, despite his frantically beating heart. "I wish it didn't have to be so slow; I'd do it quicker if I could, but I don't want to cause a panic." He didn't notice the way Merlin's head snapped towards him, his eyes widening with disbelief.

"You... magic... _what_?"

"Eloquent as ever," he grinned. The banter came so easily. He hadn't even realised he'd missed it so much, but, then again, it went with everything else he'd missed about his best friend. "Yes, I'm legalising magic. I'd hoped it would draw you out of hiding one day; nobody thought I was going to find you. You'd have to come to me. Even with magic being legal, I wasn't sure if you were going to come."

His friend seemed to be blinking back tears, staring at him with confusion and hope shining in his deep blue eyes. "Magic is legal?" His voice was barely above a whisper, but it was filled with so much admiration, so much hope, that it made Arthur's heart lurch with guilt.

"It will be. Soon."

Merlin opened his mouth, a choked sound coming out instead of words. He swallowed, and blinked rapidly, before trying again. "Arthur..."

"It'll be your decision if, and when, you return to Camelot." The King deliberately made his tone official now. He didn't want Merlin to feel like he was forcing him to return, that this was a bribe or blackmail. It had to be Merlin's decision, even though the young King wanted nothing more than to re-enter Camelot with his best friend by his side. "If you do choose to return, you will be welcomed with open arms. A position of your choosing, whether you'll return to work for Gaius or become my first advisor, it's really your choice. And if..." Arthur's voice choked here and he was forced to swallow the lump in this throat before he continued. "If you choose to remain here, or go elsewhere, I won't hold it against you. I'll make sure that you are well provided for, and your mother. It's the least I can do for you."

The Warlock shook his head. "You don't understand, Arthur. I've done things, things you don't even know about, things I can barely face. If I return to Camelot, I'll have to tell you about it all. And then you'd believe me to be evil. That's another reason why I can never come back. Because I wanted to pretend that we were still friends."

"We _are _still friends," Arthur insisted, placing his hand on Merlin's bony shoulder. "And nothing you say will ever change that."

"You don't _know _that," Merlin hissed, pushing his hand away. "Did you think it was easy for me? To keep you safe, I _had _to do things, Arthur. Things I deeply regret. A lot of people got hurt, and a lot of people died."

"That's _war_, Merlin," Arthur shifted closer as Merlin moved away, determined not to let the Warlock escape this time. "You make mistakes, and you do what you can to fix it afterwards. Did you fix your mistakes?"

Merlin tipped his head back slightly, the hood of his cloak still up, seemingly blinking back tears. "Yes..."

"What did it cost you?"

"My father," he whispered, bowing his head, and wiping his eyes. "I made a deal when Camelot was attacked. I tried to put off my side of the bargain, but then I needed his help again, and he wouldn't tell me what I needed to know unless I swore I would fulfil my part once it was all over. I think I tried to convince myself nothing bad would happen, but, deep down, I knew it could be the end of Camelot."

The King watched his friend, processing what he'd said and trying to link it back with what he'd heard from Gaius. Merlin's father... The Dragonlord, Balinor! Of course...

"You released the Great Dragon."

Merlin's head shot up, staring at Arthur with wide eyes. "What? How did you..?"

"Gaius told me that your Balinor was your father. I guessed you might have had something to do with the Great Dragon's release. What was the deal you made?"

From the look on Merlin's face, Arthur could have been talking in a different language. But, of course, Arthur had had three weeks to come to terms with the magic. Merlin, on the other hand, had cut himself off from the rest of the world. He didn't _know_ that Arthur had come to accept the force that was beyond him. He didn't know that Arthur had accepted _him_. Everyone made mistakes. As powerful men with millions of lives in their hands, every mistake they made weighed heavily on their conscience. Arthur had trusted both Morgana and Agravaine, and it had almost cost him his Kingdom. Twice. It had cost him his father, and it had almost cost him the love of his life.

At this, Arthur suddenly remembered another person in his best friend's life that he hadn't previously known about.

"He told me how to defeat Sigan and the Knights of Medhir in exchange for his freedom..."

"Never mind that!" Arthur exclaimed, causing Merlin to jump. "Why did you never tell me about Freya?"

Panic flared in his cobalt eyes. "He told you about Freya?" Arthur nodded. "How much did he tell you?"

"Nothing like that!" Arthur wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Just that you loved her, and she... she was killed because she had magic. You were there when it happened."

Merlin closed his eyes and let out a breath. "I didn't tell you for that reason. Freya had magic. She understood me, in a way no one else could. Gaius pretends to know what it's like, but he had a choice. Freya... She didn't. She was just like me, with this burden thrust upon her. She was different; she thought she was a monster... Just like me."

Arthur reached out, gripping Merlin's shoulder, forcing him to turn and look at his King. "Listen to me, Merlin. You are _not_, a monster. There is nothing wrong with who you are; a kind, self-less, brave man who would risk everything for his friends and family. I'm just sorry it took me so long to realise that."

His friend looked confused, tilting his head to the side. "I don't understand. The last time I saw you I honestly thought you were going to try and kill me! What changed your mind?"

The King didn't reply instantly, instead thinking the last month over in his mind. In all honesty, he knew what had caused the change, but he wasn't sure how to tell Merlin. Finally, he decided on the simplest answer. "Losing you."

"Losing _me_?"

Arthur nodded. "I was so angry with you, I didn't go to Gaius' chambers to talk to you; I just assumed you were going to be there when I was ready. You always are. And then Gwen told me that you weren't there anymore. It sent me into a panic, and all I could think about was finding you. From there, everything else just slotted into place." Merlin continued to stare at him in disbelief, and Arthur sighed. "I don't think you realise how much you mean to me, Merlin. For ten years, you have been the one good, constant thing in my life, and I nearly threw all of that away for the sake of my pride. It didn't matter that you had magic, or that you could command a dragon. It didn't matter that you hid and lied to save your own life... I just... You've always been there. When my father was angry, when I had a fight with Gwen, and when I doubted my resolve as a King, it was you that brought me back from the darkness. So what if you have a secret; lots of people have secrets. I just wish I'd understood this sooner; soon enough to save you this pain."

Merlin stared at the King, his jaw slightly open, seeming to absorb what Arthur had said. The King shifted uncomfortably, fully aware he'd just poured his heart out to his best friend; a best friend who may not _want_ to be his friend anymore. "The pain was worth it," Merlin whispered, drawing his attention back to the Warlock. "Just to see the King you've become. I'm so proud of you, Arthur, never forget that." Merlin gave him a gentle smile but, before he could say more, Gwaine appeared, gesturing for Arthur to join him.

The King nodded at his Knight before turning back to Merlin, who had hidden under his hood again. "I should..."

"Yeah." As Arthur stood, Merlin made no move to join him, causing him to frown.

"Are you not coming with me?"

"I need time to think about this Arthur." Taken aback, the King just nodded, and began to walk away. "Arthur! Don't... Don't tell the others I'm here."

He felt his heart drop, but he knew he couldn't deny Merlin. "Of course."

By the time he'd rejoined his Knights, the Warlock had vanished. Arthur let out a disappointed sigh. He didn't want to think that he'd asked too much of Merlin, and that he really was just taking time to consider Arthur's proposal. Either way, Arthur would have to wait till morning.

And pray that his friend would return to him.

XxX

The final talks were finished the next morning, and Arthur had arranged for Iseldir to visit Camelot a month later, once the legislation had been written down and approved.

As the Knights left the cave, Arthur held back, his gaze sweeping the darkened space. But, of course, there was no sign of Merlin.

He hadn't seen the Warlock since their conversation the night before; Merlin hadn't turned up to the meeting, seemingly going out of his way to avoid the King. It made him glad that he'd agreed not to tell the other's about his friend's presence. Gwaine, in particular, would have been devastated.

The young King took Merlin's continued absence to mean that he had decided not to return to Camelot. Whether he would in the future, or whether Arthur would ever see him again, he didn't know. It wasn't something he was willing to think about.

With a sigh, he made his way outside, barely paying attention to the other Knights as he began to prepare his horse for the journey home. The stallion nickered, turning his head to nuzzle Arthur's arm, and Arthur couldn't help but smirk. Merlin had reduced his battle horse to a soft, willing to please pony.

He was so preoccupied with the horse, Arthur didn't notice his Knights confused glances as a sixth horse was led from the cave, and held by a young druid boy. The brown mare whickered her greeting to the other horses, and Gwaine's eyes widened as he recognised the animal. He didn't hear the gasps of surprise or the obscenity uttered by the rogue Knight.

It wasn't until a familiar voice spoke, that Arthur realised what was going on.

"Is there room for one more?"

Arthur took a deep, shuddering breath, not wanting to get his hopes up, and turned.

And there he was.

Merlin was stood, dressed in his blue shirt and ridiculous red neckerchief, wearing his tatty brown jacket, with a pack slung over his shoulder.

It took less than a minute for Arthur to register what this meant. By this time, Gwaine had swung himself down from his horse, and was slowly approaching the Warlock.

"Merlin?"

The younger man grinned his stupid, lopsided grin, and a chorus of disbelieving laughs broke out among the group as the rogue grabbed his friend in a hug, pulling him close. Surprised, Merlin dropped his pack, and hesitated a moment before reciprocating.

As soon as Gwaine stepped back, Arthur was forward, drawing Merlin close. "I didn't think you were coming," he whispered.

"Neither did I," Merlin breathed. "But I couldn't let you down again."

"You have _never_ let me down." The King drew back, placing both his hands on his friend's shoulders. "It was me that let you down."

"Arthur..." Merlin began to reply, but the rest of the Knights were on them, clapping the Warlock on the back and laughing.

"Merlin!"

"Where on earth have you been?"

"Have you been here the whole time?"

Merlin nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you last night. It was a complete shock to see you all here! How did you find me?"

"Through the sheer power of intelligence, my friend!" Gwaine exclaimed, knocking Arthur out the way in order to fling his arm around his friend. "The others didn't have clue, but I, through the strong will of my mind..." A chorus of snickers cut him off and Gwaine looked affronted but his grin gave him away.

Arthur watched the group with their newly found friend, a gentle smile playing on his lips. Merlin finally broke free, grinning at his King. "Are you ready to go home, Merlin?"

If possible, his friend's smile got even wider. "Yeah, I'm ready."

XxX

The ride back to Camelot was a jubilant one. The Knights bombarded Merlin with questions he was more than happy to answer, engaging them all and including everyone in his tales. In particular, the story of the Goblin caused hilarity at the King's expense. Arthur noted how Merlin tactfully left out any mention of his arrest and how close he came to burning at the stake...

In fact, he left out any near death experiences in all of his tales.

Arthur frowned, making a note to speak to the Warlock about that later.

Eventually, they found a clearing just inside the border to camp for the night. Merlin tried to assume the role of the servant, but was shot down, the Knights jumping to complete his chores for him. He watched them with surprised but amused eyes. This left him alone with the King for the first time since their conversation the night before.

"What made you change your mind?"

Merlin glanced at the ground, smiling. "I honestly didn't think I'd ever make it home. And then you were there, telling me it was possible. I tried to ignore you, tried not to believe you, but I couldn't. The more I thought about what you'd said, the more I believed you, and then it suddenly seemed like a reality. Like I _could_ go home... And once the thought was there, it wouldn't go away. And it was worth the risk."

Arthur smiled. "I'm glad. I didn't think you were going to come, but I didn't want to order you home. That wouldn't have been fair."

They sat in companionable silence, listening to the Knights in the distance. Gwaine's voice in particular sounded loud and grump, causing them both to laugh.

"You left some stuff out of your stories."

Merlin sighed, not looking at his friend. "Yes."

"Because you didn't want to upset anyone."

"It's hard to tell a story that's been kept secret for so long. Making it fun and including them made it easier to tell."

"I'm sorry you found it so hard."

The Warlock rolled his eyes. "Not this again, Arthur. It wasn't your fault. And this, what you're doing now... If it had been your fault, which it was not, this makes up for it."

The King leant forward on the log, clasping his hands together. "Have you decided what role you want when we get home? Gwen will want to make a big fuss, whether you want to be Gaius' apprentice, or my advisor, or maybe even Court Sorcerer..."

There was a pause whilst Merlin considered this. "Can't I just go back to being your servant?"

"What?" Arthur stared at him. "Are you serious? You can't be my servant, Merlin! You deserve so much more than that!"

"I want to be there as you usher in the golden age, Arthur! That's all I've ever wanted! I don't care where I am when it happens, I just want you and Gwen and everyone else to be happy. As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

Arthur gripped Merlin's shoulder. "Are you honestly that thick? You can't really believe that your place is as my servant. What if my happiness depends on giving you a promotion? Will you take it then?"

"That's a low blow, Arthur."

"Will you take it?"

The Warlock laughed, shaking his head at his friend. "Alright. I'll be your Court Sorcerer."

"And my First Advisor."

"Arthur..." The King silenced him with a look. Merlin huffed. "Fine. And your First Advisor."

Arthur grinned, slinging his arm around Merlin causing the other to laugh, but he leant in to his friends' touch, resting his head on Arthur's shoulder.

Nothing else needed to be said.

XxX

They arrived back in Camelot to a tidal wave of applause. Word had been ahead sent that the mission was a success, and the people gathered in the streets to welcome back their King.

It was a wonderful sight, but the memory that would stay with Arthur forever were the looks on Gwen and Gaius' faces when they saw who was riding next to him. Gwen was down the stairs before Merlin had even dismounted his horse, barely giving him time to regain his balance before she'd thrown her arms around his next. "Where have you been?" she whispered.

"I'm so sorry, Gwen," he muttered back, pulling her close.

Gaius came up beside them, quirking an eyebrow at his ward. "The druids?"

Merlin grinned sheepishly. "The one place no-one would think to look for me."

"And how did that work for you?"

"Horribly."

Gaius laughed, before wrapping his arms around Merlin's neck, pulling him close. Arthur couldn't hear what Gaius was saying, but he didn't need to. After watching their friend for several more minutes, Gwen turned to her husband, and Arthur smiled leading her back into the castle. Merlin broke away from his mentor to follow him, falling into step by his side once again, ready to usher in the golden age of Albion.

As he always had.

And he always would.

XxX

**So... What do people think? **

**Please leave a review! And I'll write Merlin's POV at some point. One one-shot down, two to go! Keep an eye out for them! They will be up at some point! If you didn't understand the title, it was supposed to be a reference to Arthur baring his soul to try and win Merlin back. Bit OOC maybe, but I like emotional Arthur... He doesn't tell Merlin how he feels often enough. Oh, and if anyone can design a better cover picture please do! **

**UPDATE: Had it pointed out to me that Merlin isn't a druid, therefore he doesn't have a tattoo. You're right, he didn't... Until he goes to live with them and has one done, thinking he's going to live with the druids from now on, so he becomes a druid. And he is an important figure in their legends... Sorry, I forget that I have to write everything down for people to know what I mean... **

**BTW thank you for my lovely Birthday messages **

**TTFN  
Valkyriexx **


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